Available in Print or Deluxe PDF Ebook.
Includes Deception: Your Mind is the Scene of the Crime, a play in 5 acts.
- The Power of Devotion
- Genuine Learning
- Deception I: Opium Den
- Marichelle 4: Maps of Ideas
- A Filmmaker’s Apocalypse
- Unlearn Everything
- Deception II: Loading Program
- Diamond Bullets
- The Old Pond Road
- Marichelle 5: The I-Part
- The Tyranny of Delusion
- The Allopathic Mechanic
- Deception III: Dream Factory
- A Life of Constant Duplicity
- Is Pubasyl Right for You?
- In the Land of the Slow-Cooked Frog
- Deception IV: The Help Wizard
- Marichelle 6: Go Hack Yourself
- Take me to the volcano!
- A Long Time on a Crooked Road
- Deception V: Asshole, Kansas
- Away from the Things of Man
Excerpt from “Is Pubasyl Right for You?”
Let’s say you’re hanging out on the couch with your kids watching some family-friendly programming when a commercial comes on. An unimpeachably trustworthy woman – which we know because she’s hanging up her the priestly white coat in the immaculate church of the laboratory – is finishing her workday and she informs us that not only is she a fountain of truth, she’s also a regular schmo like you and me and as such, she worries about EPI, Embarrassing Pubic Irritation, a condition that if left untreated, she informs us with weighty sincerity, could lead to brief and infrequent episodes of mild discomfort.
You try to ignore the commercial because you don’t suffer from groinal inflammation, but this woman is a loving parent just like you, and she seems genuinely concerned about your crotch. The fact that your nether region doesn’t actually itch, she explains, is an early warning sign that you can’t afford to ignore.
You do recall that your bathing suit area was a little itchy at the beach last summer. You assumed it was just sand, but now you pay closer attention to the commercial. Doctor Mom is now flying kites with her kids in a sunny meadow as the scene cuts to an animation of a genderless human form with a throbbing red pubis that’s causing a sympathetic throb in your own.
Doctor Mom turns back from her laughing children to address you directly: “I don’t have time to let EPI sideline me,” she says. “That’s why I take Pubasyl!”
She then turns to run after her happy, wholesome kids as a voice-over informs us at quadruple-speed that Pubasyl is not safe for pregnant women or nursing mothers or children or the elderly or people who don’t enjoy brain aneurysms, should not be taken in conjunction with neuro-lactic re-uptake uninhibitors or where microwave ovens are in use or when commuting by air or while driving or operating machinery heavier than a stapler; may cause anal fissures leading to blurred vision, mild hallucinations and early-onset death; can cause episodes of rage and despair, reproductive anomalies, and, in rare cases, gender realignment and active-shooter scenarios. Extended use may result in abnormally foul gases, unsightly bloating, painful discharge, uneven weight distribution, hyena-like yipping, projectile diarrhea and, in certain high-risk patients, combustion during sex.
“Sure,” you think, “but isn’t all bloating unsightly?”
Then, the nice lady pauses while buckling her nice kids into her nice minivan and tells you to ask your doctor if Pubasyl is right for you.